I put a post on Instagram this morning that was all about being popular.
|The one on IG is better as it MOVES!|
All I ever wanted was to be popular, to get the in jokes, to have people invite me into their inner circle. In terms of my matrix, I wanted more than anything to be Regina or Oprah, because I would be invited places and considered important!
As I get older and I learn more about myself I am realising that actually I wasn’t that kind of popular not because of me but because of my neurodivergence. I didnt get the jokes or the news because I wasn’t asking the questions. I didn’t ask my friends about them, so they didn’t tell me but I also didn’t tell them about me because they didn’t ask! So now we’re in a place where I don’t share and don’t ask and the weight of life leaves me heavy with nowhere to offload.
I have been reflecting on popularity in the online world. Where now I feel so connected especially on Instagram since I stopped caring about who I am seen with or talking to or what they want from me. However, I see those people that I used to try to keep up with scrambling over the last person they used and I feel so far removed from that world anymore and no longer care about stepping on someone to get to where I want to be.
This lyric from Wicked really speaks volumes
I’ll help you be popular!
You’ll hang with the right cohorts
You’ll be good at sports
Know the slang you’ve got to know
So let’s start
‘Cause you’ve got an awfully long way to go!
And if that didn’t hit me like a lightening bolt! “I’ll help you be popular” and “cause you’ve got an awfully long way to go” especially. How many marketing and sales campaigns are built around those things of “you aren’t good enough” and “being around me will mean you are successfu;”, whereas in fact in my experience being a good person can get you so much futher.
I guess hanging around with the in crowd isn’t really for me after all.
And if you feel the same then my arms will always be open <3