Start lying like a cis, het, white man

Everything is so successful

My brother said to me about six months ago “You must be so happy with how things are going, everything is so successful”. I remember it quite vividly, we were in a car and I was sat in the back and my eyes started welling up. I struggle with speaking when I want to cry, and that’s exactly what happened. I started to bawl my eyes out. 

I act as a sounding board to my brother a lot of the time (want to know about him? Head here). I’m not really sure why, he’s had his own business for eight years and is wildly successful in a field that I don’t know about, but I think that it’s because I don’t know anything about his industry that he likes to talk to me. He second guesses his ideas and sometimes just needs telling that it’s too complicated and he needs to rein it in!

Usually it’s because of his passion, but it’s often because of his penchant for sticking his head above the parapet and looking at what the competition is doing. And of course, when you do that, you’re seeing their highlight reel compared to your raw footage (nice little video reference there. Seriously check Garth out). 

Thing is, he isn’t alone.

The traits that I see in him are so similar to those I see in the clients for the business I work for, and there is something that I want you to know; whether you’re self employed or not, it’s the secret that you have been looking for for most of your life. 

The big difference between those who make it and those who get by. 

Why some people catapult into notoriety and others have a following that is small but perfect. 

The reason that some are able to get promoted time and again whilst others stay where they have been for five years. 

The difference is…confidence. 

I know, what a cop out!

But I promise you it is true.

Confidence is what can take you through any challenge – and trust me you can definitely fake it until you make it. 

I have seen behind the doors of some big businesses in the years since I started my own business and in my role since going back to employment. Whilst I do not take away any of the dedication, hard work and creativity that has gone on in those businesses, I also think that is is the confidence that those businesses owners have had in their capability, their ideas and their business itself. 

And that is the thing that sets them apart. 

Think about it – when we are confident in ourselves, we are more likely to take risks and try new things. We believe in our abilities and are willing to put ourselves out there. This can lead to great success, both personally and professionally. On the other hand, a lack of confidence can hold us back and prevent us from reaching our full potential.

I know firsthand how difficult it can be to build and maintain confidence. I question my decisions all the time and I have also trusted the wrong people (hello combination of oversharing and misunderstanding of social cues) which has meant my head gets mashed with my lack of self worth. 

So back to that car earlier in the year.

I squeaked out that my self worth was in the toilet because of the mental gymnastics I was having to do in my personal life. My work was suffering, which meant that the confidence others had in me was also waning. 

It felt like I was in one of those donation buckets they have at shopping centres where the coin goes in the top and rolls around and around until it drops – I was circling and getting nowhere fast. 

My brother became the sounding board for me. 

And reminded me that I have a great life. A great job. Friends, family, pets. Love pouring at me from all sides. Did my job afford me the life I wanted? Yes. So really, did any of the tiny things matter? 

Confidence. Do whatever you can to work on it, and lie like you’re a white cis het man trying to get laid. ✌️


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